Listening to my heartbeat.

I become randomly active for a short but rapid time, and I deliberately try to run out of breath, just to listen to my heartbeat, to make sure I'm still alive.

Not too long ago something amazing happened for my brother from another mother, David--The one who loses trouser buttons and wears runner's tights--.

And when something like that happens for one of my friends I get excited for them, and I want them to have everything I never was able to.

Some of them get annoyed when I do that, because they think I shouldn't be, because it's not happening to me. I'm just happy for them is all. I was really never able to have that one something because of my predicament. Even though it's basically what I've always dreamed.

I had one something, that didn't end well. And quite frankly at my age and level of experience in this I don't think I can handle another, a newer and a better something, because I've never really had one before. I'd be incredibly awkward and I'd be the worst ever. So I basically believe I'm doomed to be something-less forever.

Maybe it won't be so bad.

Blog about Alex cause I haven't blogged about her yet!

This is my blog about Alex Adams! She's an awesome, beautiful, fiery, hispanic girl! She recently got accepted to MSU! Which is awesome.

This blog is a little awkward, cause I've never blogged about anyone in specific.

But I want to blog about her cause she's bad ass.

Words are for loosers, I prefer my conversations with a good hard slap.

I'm beginning to think I'm too well spoken for my age.
When I was younger I would read a lot of College-level books, and if I didn't understand a word I would look it up in a dictionary or online. That led to a very large vocabulary in the long run. The other day I went to type the word "Long" and messed up my fingers and they got in a jumble and did sort of a jig, and I ended up with "omg" and I remembered what I've been saying for a while:
"Abbreviations are killing my I.Q. and screwing up my vocabulary. I'm tired of computer speak."
I haven't posted a blog in a while, that means life's been well, sort of.
I was talking to my new darling friend LaVella last night, and I let a little of my depressed side leak out. And I told her I didn't want her to see this side of me, because I wanted at least one friend to see me as a happy, funny, carefree person. She said "Tell me about you." and I told her what was bothering me. LaVella is an excellent listener.
I love my new friend, the best part about it is it's in the best way. It's not romantic or anything, it's a normal kind of "Friend-love", that's all. In fact I'm totally incapable of romanticism whatsoever since the "Ariel days" as I fancy calling them, she left me hollow with one resounding "Drip" every once in a while. I got over that in a week or two without her though. I don't blame Ariel, I blame myself, I got a little too infatuated but I'll save that story for another blog. Speaking of Ariel, she recently came back to our friendship, and it seems things have been going quite well for her. She says she's changed and I see it in what she tells me. Hopefully our friendship will last this time.
I keep having these visions of being with somebody, I don't know who I'm apparently "Being" with but I know they're nice daydreams. I keep thinking somebody will let me fall totally in love with them and they'll fall for me as well, but so far nothing. Maybe in the future, when I try harder.

After the fire.

Tonight I'm going to sleep in the tent again.
A "Last hurrah" one might say.
This time alone.
I'm downloading my favourite type of movies: Zombie movies. And I'm going to record a song.
For some reason I feel a need to camp in a tent, in my front yard. Whether its with friends or alone.
I want to live off the earth, my only home is the tent in my backpack and the ground I pitch it on.
Travel on foot or by train, live, think and talk like myself, like Old Henry. Play my guitar, eat some beans and go to sleep, pack up my tent in the morning and move to my next location. No society, no politics, no distractions. Just life at it's rawest.

Pitfire Circle Stories 1

Last night sitting around a small fire pit, having a "Pitfire" as a new found friend so titled it.
Conversations, jokes, general fun, and some Marshmallows.
My new friend, her I enjoy, she's something different, unique. Good; I hate clones.
Three other friends, all male, two are actually quite annoying and get on my nerves, but I love them despite. The other one, wears tights, and loses trouser buttons, I could be around him for months straight and not want to whack his brains out with a full can of soda.
God spoke to me that night, Father said: "This is what your life should be. Live it this way, it's better than the way you chose at first. It's not too late to change." I agree, wholeheartedly.
An hour, or two --or was it three?-- after the last person has arrived, my darling new friend performed for us with musical talent, she sang a lovely song sung lovely, I may have cried, I don't remember, but right then my life was at the absolute perfect moment it's ever been. I closed my eyes and took in the night: the smell of the campfire, the cool night air mixed with the warm exhaust of the fire and the beautiful performance from my new friend. Life should be this way all the time. Simple. Majestic. Perfect.
Not too long after that, after my new friend had taken her leave --and long after another friend had parted-- my two remaining friends and I set up our tent, climbed in, and talked until almost morning.
We fell asleep around four or five. Dreams pressed their faces against the window of my unconsciousness, and euphoria settled me in the cold morning air of the tent.
8:00 or so, we all climbed out of the tent and started the fire back up. We roasted hot dogs and sausages for breakfast and talked until my second to last remaining friend's transportation arrived, we said our goodbyes to him and sat around the fire until the last of the flame faded to only embers. That was the best night of my entire life.